Everytime i see a close friend of mine get attached, one side of me would feel very happy and tell him/her "im so happy for you!" but the other side of me would feel dejected and tell myself "you've just lost another friend".
Especially when a close guy friend of mine got himself a girl, i know for sure i lost him as a friend. To prevent any misunderstandings or unhappiness, i just had to be the one who sacrifices and walk away from the friendship which was ever so strong.
I miss the times when i could just call Wayne or David out at any time for a movie, dinner, supper, shopping or just plain chilling at a cafe nearby. I too miss the times when i could just call Gabriel down to have a few puffs and update about each other lives, go to school or come back home together. I also miss the times when i could force HengKai to study with me every day and night when the examinations are nearing either at Kallang Mac or his place.
I miss the times when i could just hang out with my close guy friends and spend some time alone, just the two of us, talking about anything, laughing away while sipping tea and puffing weeds.
But those days will never come again.
They seemed so important to me, but when their love one appeared into their life, i was brushed away and it never seem to matter to them that i was gone and left alone at a corner. To them, it doesnt really make a difference. Except that their attention was diverted to someone else and Amber, just ceased existence.
Im not grumbling, neither am i complaining. Im just upset, that ive lost too many dear friends during this period of time. I know its not their fault, they too have their own life to live. I cant possibly be so selfish and expect them to be "mine" when they were not right from the start.
So who can i call them "friends"? Who can i put my trust totally and rely on them? I really felt very happy for them when i see them happily and blissfully in love. I really do. But simultaneously, it dawned on me that when they found someone to love, ive lost someone close.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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